What to write in a new baby card

The card will be read by someone who has not slept. Short wins. Address the parents at least as much as the baby — they are the ones who can read — and resist the urge to give advice. Of everything people send, the cards that get kept are the ones that said something kind about the parents rather than something general about babies.

Warm

Friendly, unfussy, safe with almost anybody.

• Congratulations! Hello, little one, and well done you two.
• Welcome to the world, and welcome to the chaos. Congratulations.
• So happy for you both. Enjoy the small, strange, wonderful days.
• Congratulations — what lovely news to wake up to.
• Hello, little one. You have landed very well.

Funny

A joke with affection behind it. Read the room first.

• Congratulations. Sleep was overrated anyway.
• Welcome to the world, small human. Your parents are great; be nice to them.
• Congratulations! Coffee is now a food group.
• Many congratulations. You will never finish a hot drink again.
• Welcome to the team. Bring snacks.

Heartfelt

For the people you would actually say this to out loud.

• Congratulations. You two are going to be so good at this.
• What a lucky baby, to be landing with you.
• Hello, little one — you have no idea how long you’ve been loved for.
• Congratulations. Be gentle with yourselves; you’re doing something enormous.
• Thinking of you all. Call when you want company, or don’t — both are fine.

Simple

When short is the right answer, and it often is.

• Congratulations!
• Welcome to the world, little one.
• So happy for you both.
• Congratulations on your new arrival.
• Lovely news — congratulations.

What to avoid

• Don’t offer advice. Not one line of it.
• Don’t say “sleep when the baby sleeps”. It is the single most repeated sentence in their life right now.
• Don’t comment on the baby’s size, or on how the mother looks.
• Don’t ask when they are having the next one.